Communication

By Dick O'Brien M.A.S.c

In the many years that I have been a counselor and consultant, the most common complaint in all human relations is that of poor communication. It is the #1 issue in marriages, families, corporations, schools and churches.

Human beings have literally thousands of ways to communicate and yet I often feel that dogs and cats are more easily understood and their intentions more easily read.

Rapid change and the dramatic pace of technology today mark the workplace. Human communication has not kept up to these scientific breakthroughs. We still have many of the same problems and frustrations that we probably had 5000 years ago.

Human communication is fraught with pitfalls. It is easy to harm your relationship with somebody by what you say, don't say or did not listen to. Human communication involves both the intended message of the sender and the listening and interpretation skills of the receiver. It also involves body language, facial expressions, tonal inflection and choice of words. It is easy to see why poor communication is so prevalent in most workplaces and human relations.

Here are a few communication tips that can go a long wan to improving your personal communication in life and success in any relationship.

Communication Tips for Life:

1. Never tell a person that they are wrong.

This is a major mistake. When you tell a person that they are wrong they immediately become defensive and cut off communications with you. It is like making a long distance call and when the person says hello you lose the line.

2. Always allow a person to save face.

This is commonsense and common courtesy. So many people win the battle and lose the war. When you embarrass or insult a person with your words, you win an enemy for life.

3. Measure your words and think before you speak.

Pause for a moment and ask yourself what this message will cost you. Ask yourself if these words are really needed.

4. Pay attention when you speak.

Show up and be there. No one likes to speak to someone whose mind seems to be somewhere else.

5. Ask for clarification and take 110 % responsibility for your own clarity.

If you do not understand what someone means, it is far better to let them know and ask for clarification rather than to fake it.

6. Sometimes you need to hold your tongue.

This is self-explanatory and a great reminder.

7. Always criticize artfully.

Use grace, diplomacy and encouragement when criticizing.

Always separate the person from the issue.

8. Be generous with your praise and encouraging with your words.

Recognition and encouragement are food for the spirit. They build bridges and mend fences more than any other type of human interaction.

9. Test the waters with a mini message before delivering the final blow.

Never deliver significant feedback or information without knowing how it might be received.

10. Listen, empathize and be genuine.

Listening is the most important aspect of human communication. Most people hear but do not listen. We listen with our eyes, our ears, and our hearts. T o truly listen is to see what the other person is saying from their position. To understand does not necessarily mean you agree but it does mean they have been heard.

Communication Tips for Leaders:

Never tell a person that they are wrong.
Always allow a person to save face.
Measure your words and think before you speak.
Pay attention and pause while you speak.
Ask for clarification.
Take 110 % responsibility for clarity.
Know that checking in and asking questions have heard you.
Sometimes you need to hold your tongue.
Gossip is not secret and not secure.
Always criticize artfully.
Be generous with your praise.
Be encouraging with your words.
Be genuine with your delivery.
Keep people informed, even if it is bad news.
Develop the skill of delivering unpopular or difficult messages.
Test the waters with a mini message before delivering the final blow.
Listen, empathize and be genuine.
Always speak in a principled way.
Disengage hooks and games.
Surrender with calmness and stability

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