Raising Resilient Children

By Dick O'Brien M.A.S.c

I have been teaching resiliency to adults for over 25 years and frequently it occurs to me that we need to pass this wisdom down to our children. Frequently I find that we are not bringing our children up to be resilient.

I cannot think of a more important capacity to give our children than the ability to bounce back from whatever life sends them. This is called AQ or Adversity Quotient and it is frequently more important than IQ in determining the future happiness of our children.

Often I find that we are bringing our children up to be victims. Every time a parent interferes with the reasonable and natural consequences of their child's own behavior they rob them of their destiny to grow. Way too many parents over rescue their children from the consequences of life.

The greatest fear in the world is the fear of being inadequate. Too many children are growing up with self-doubt and low self-image that will plague them throughout life.

Children need to experience the struggles of life within the protection and love of the family. In this manner they develop a track record of dealing with the inevitable vicissitudes of life and begin to realize that they can handle it.

Two of the most powerful things we can say to our children are: " I love you!' (and my love for you is not tied to your behavior) and "You can deal with life." (as a matter of fact, dear, you are going to have to deal with life.)

Two of the greatest gifts we can give our children are Roots and Wings. Roots are character and wings are encouragement. In other words we need to give our children the tools and the incentives to be able to deal with life.

It is the ultimate responsibility of parents to give their children the gift that keeps on giving. It has always been the goal of any parent to be able to say that their child can deal with life by the time they go out on their own. This is the true gift of family life.

Here are 18 tools of life worth encouraging in your children at any age. It is never too late.

Let us challenge our children to:

• Deal with Disappointment
• Overcome Failure
• Cultivate a Healthy Self Image
• Accept Responsibilities
• Examine their Choices
• Become Resilient
• Delay Gratification
• Cope with Stress
• Live up to Commitments
• Contribute to their world
• Become Sensitive to others
• Learn from their actions
• Think and be Creative
• Become problem Solvers
• Deal with Emotions
• Live with Values and Respect
• Be Positive in life
• Become Life Long Learners

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